Date: Recent

As I get ready for bed, I am reminded of the days before Baby Girl.  (The picture, above, was taken in those days… Me on the other side of the lense, with Baby Girl curled up in my belly…)  Those quiet moments, in which a day was an hour, and an hour was a day… Every second pregnant with hope, love, and excitement…

I am reminded of those days because tonight, like those nights, there’s an empty peace like no one’s home.  It’s the first night in a long time, that Baby Girl is not curling up on my belly to fall asleep, the satin trim smoothed over her cheek.

I’m sure by now you’ve gotten I’m a single mom.  And usually, my sweet girl, after lots of hugs, kisses, and giggles, will say, “Lay on Mama’s tummmmeee?”  Every night she nestles close, her index finger on pointed satin, her ear listening to my belly button, as I first read a book, and eventually smooth her hair from her relaxed forehead and pearly eyelids.

Tonight is the first night, in a very long time, that she’s doing an overnight with her Papa.  I listen, and nothing.   Empty quiet.  No soft breathing nearby, nope.  There are no cars passing by, no hum of a heater.  Not even a ticking of a clock.  Just the precise, quick sounds of my typing fingers and….. in between… silence.

Yes, definitely reminds me of the days I waited for Baby Girl.  Like tonight, I would get ready for bed, a book by my side, a last sip of that water… Before I turned out the lamp, found that satin edge, and tucked it under my cheek.

You see, before Blankie loved on Baby Girl, I loved on it.  I loved on it with the same anticipation of seeing my baby girl, much like I love on Blankie tonight, with that all-consuming feeling of anticipation at seeing Baby Girl…

“Wait,” you say.  How is it I’m loving on Blankie tonight?  Doesn’t Baby Girl always sleep with her Blankie?

Backup, baby, backup.  I got Baby Girl a Blankie backup which is kept at her Papa’s house.  But Mama?  She’s got the real thing.

And tonight, like those nights just over two years ago, Mama and Blankie will sleep in peace and wait for Baby Girl.